


Pathetic

by ShadowedLove97



Series: JSE Canon Ego Oneshots [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, I'm sorry Chase, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Not A Fix-It, Not Beta Read, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-13 16:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17491616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowedLove97/pseuds/ShadowedLove97
Summary: “I love you. I love you so much, I know I do,” Chase chokes out. “But– But…”“But?”“But sometimes– sometimes when I look at you I… All I want to do is cry.”---A small little drabble set sometime just before the divorce. Partially inspired by (but not a songfic of) the song Pork Soda by Glass Animals.





	Pathetic

“I love you. I love you so much, I know I do,” Chase chokes out. “But– But…”

 

“But?”

 

Stacy sits, blond hair spilling over soft shoulders, blue eyes trained on her husband. If one unfamiliar to her had to judge, her expression appeared only concerned with a soft frown and pulled eyebrows. But not to Chase, not to the husband that knew her so well. Staring at her made him sob more, one hand clutching on the balcony railing as the other grasped the fabric of his shirt.

 

No, it’s only a ghost of concern overshadowed by a distance, a wall so large that he could never hope to scale it.

 

“But sometimes– sometimes when I look at you I… All I want to do is cry.”

 

“Oh. Chase…” She reaches out, lays one hand on his leg which dangled over the balcony.

 

It’s a cool touch, not at all the warm comfort he craved.

 

His chest sears with emotions and thoughts he’s too afraid to reflect on but bubble up anyways.  _Disgusting. Hopeless. Unlovable. Worthless._   _Pitiful._ More and more and more pile on in his head until all he can do is spill it out lest it drowns him in silence. “I’m fucking pathetic,” he spits out, words soaked and dripping with venomous self-deprecation. “I’m just sitting here crying and you’re– you’re–” But he can’t finish it, can’t finish the thought as he pulls away and stands.

 

“Pregnant.”

 

But he doesn’t have to as Stacy speaks again, tone soft, flat.

 

“Yeah. With our third child.” He’s sure his voice is broken, cracking under the weight of his own words. “And I’m the bastard drunk of a father who doesn’t even know if his wife loves him anymore.”

 

There are no words anymore and, when he looks back, all he sees is the back of her head. But they don’t need words for the meaning to be clear and for the glass to shatter between them. Whatever was left of that picture-perfect family was gone, and no matter how desperately he tried to hang on, he knew it was over when the words had died between them.

 

“I’m going out.”

 

“Where?”

 

“To the fucking bar, where else? It’s better than me being here.” Better than him ruining everything more than he already had.

 

The only sound that follows is the slamming of the door and Chase’s footsteps as he walks away but it hurts more than anything Stacy could ever say to him. More than any pleading or condemnation he has heard in the past.

 

The past.

 

How long ago had she given up on him? When was the last time he had heard her beg him to stay home, to watch TV or lay with her or spend time with the kids? Anything besides getting shitfaced again?

 

He can’t remember anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for tagging Jack as a character. I've never uploaded just an ego-centered fanfic so I don't know if this is how I'm supposed to do it or not.
> 
> Also tell me if the rating is correct or if it needs to be pushed to Teens. The heavier topic is making me pause but anyone who knows Chase already know about these things so I'm unsure...?


End file.
